Tika and Caya

I've lost control of my household

2011-01-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

Another fast forward post. We spent a lot of last year camping with the girls, and then we moved our sailboat to Florida and spent our winter with that.

The girls aren't really sailors, so they got to stay at camp.

Anyhow, over the holidays, I just happened to be looking at rescues to find a small dog for my mother-in-law, some pup that's older and needs home and a companion for my mother-in-law. We expanded our search to Florida since we'd be there and I could bring her back in a carrier on the plan.

We didn't find anything for the mother-in-law.

But we came across...Luna.

You suckers...just you wait.

And, we decide to go see her. Luna was about 6-7 month old, and she had been left neglected in a back yard of a house. She wound up snapping her metatarsals on a fence, but didn't receive the proper care. She was finally relinquished to the shelter where she got proper care.

Despite all that, she's about one of the most loving animals I have met. And absolutely insane. We've nicknamed her Gollum/Smeogol from Lord of the Rings because she is always all over the place. Unfortunately, I've become her precious. Very, very attached to me. Part of that I think was from the road trip home (no shoving her under the seat on the airplane)

Except for a slight scar and a right foot that points about 45 degrees off, she doesn't seem to be bothered by the foot.

I think my Spirit Tika was talking to us that day, and Luna lucked out and got a great home.

Sitka just adores her, but it was rough for a while, we went through this with Tika and Caya, and it's not fun when two large dogs decided they are going to kill each other over...Caya's food, toys, me, my husband. We finally worked through it with persistance, patience and a wooden spoon banging on a cookie sheet.

Caya? Well, Caya doesn't really seem impressed with the little darling.

Trust me folks, nothing reboots an dog like have a stark raving human start beating the hell out a metal pan about a foot from their heads.

Sitka says: Can we keep her?

Caya says: You will not come near me, my ball, my humans, my food.
Other than that, we should get along fine.

Well, finally, the pics

2010-08-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, a quick fast forward of the last several months with Sitka. And ya might figure out why I haven't been around a computer much....

And in the beginning, there was cuteness and softness...

Caya sez: OMG, WTF? Rabbit? Dog? Huh?

I like to move it, move it.....

Kid. I didn't survive kidney failure to put up with your sh!t.

(Editorial note: Caya has a 'soft' mouth, no puppies were rushed to the emergency vet after this photo.)

This is called 'puppy hangover.'

(another editorial note: After Caya's bout with lepto, she went really white in the muzzle. Kinda makes me sad....)

Donkey Ears: I haz them.

It's Kansas, it's 100+ degrees out.

I want to talk to my lawyer and my agent.

Who didn't read the "ALASKAN" part of my name?

Ah c'mon, I B chillin...U B hatin.

And so, there's the fast forward of the last few months in the household. Sitka totally digs the camper (but not the camper crate, but she will EAT camper if not), she likes to bully Caya, and the fact Caya puts up with it completely, utterly dumbfounds me. She's in her malamute teenage years, which is why wine is always available at my house now.

Time for an update finally

2010-05-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

Wow. Can't believe it's been February since I last posted. Time has gone way too quickly.

I guess that's what happens when your life is dominated by a very smart, willful malamute puppy who is receiving messages from the big Spirit Tika in the sky.

I thought I was weird for thinking it, but when my husband said it, I was like, yeah, no kidding.

Every little torment that Caya ever did to Tika, Sitka now does to Caya, it's creepy. Well, Tika was called creepy before....

The little demon, er, darling is now 5 months old. Holy crap! The vet is asking when we will spay her. We plan to, but after reading some very scary studies about spaying pups too early and how it increases their chances for osteosarcoma, I'm just not going to rush it.

On that note, I knew we spayed Tika early, but just didn't realize how early. At the time it made since, she was big, healthy and she had to be put under to have a baby tooth removed. (It was broken by Caya while playing, oh yeah). The vet said, why don't we just do both and save having to put her under again in a few months. Seems reasonable.

Well, looking back at the bills and pics--she was 3 1/2 months old. OMG. I just bawled all day long, I felt like when I agreed to that in the fall of 2004, I signed her death warrant. I have been dealing with guilt for the last few months also. My husband tries to reassure me that I can't prove it, there's no way to prove it.

So needless to say, my girl is with me in my mind all the time. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry. Sitka will do something that reminds me so very much of Tika and I'll start bawling and bless that little pups heart she just wants to console me. I am out of town this week and called Tim because I was having a hard time and Sitka could hear my sorrow over the phone and then I hear slobber, slobber, slobber through the speaker.

I am trying to let go and just remember the good times, but there's silly little things. Tim has offered to get my car detailed, but I can't bring myself to get the nose prints and long white hairs removed. I should, I know. I guess all of this is being brought on by the fact that this weekend will be 6 months since Tika passed.

I think I am grateful that Sitka is so different, if she was more similar I would probably try to compare her more to Tika. But Tika was an 'old soul' since she was a pup. Sitka is a malamute version of Caya as a puppy. Girl has got attitude.

But I save the BEST NEWS FOR LAST!!!!!
We just got an update on Caya's kidney values. She is normal in her BUN and just above the normal range in her creatinine. That means her kidneys are functioning at a much, much higher level than any of us thought would happen (any of us meaning, Tim, me, several vets, coupla specialists, etc). She is on a mix of large breed Science Diet and K/D which balances well with her pancreatic problems. When they called with the news, I just cracked, the sweet vet tech started crying too. She said, "We love Caya too, we are so HAPPY!"

Tim and I think Sitka might have a bit to do with that. Sitka has brought out the puppy in Caya and Caya will be six years old this year. She has a compatriot in arms now. She truly loves her little sister and is very, very, very patient with her. Much more than Tim and I are.

I will post a pictorial update when I get home.

Drum Roll Please

2010-02-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

Caya has probably recovered the best she will. Her kidneys have permanent damage, but it's something we can live with. Will it take time off her life? Probably. But, as we learned with Tika, it's not the time it's the quality and quality is really freaking awesome.

Because Caya has EPI, the kidney diet (Science Diet K/D) is not agreeing with her. We switched her back to her 'normal' food and she went back to normal. So, the Catch 22, eat the diet she can digest well, or eat the diet that will benefit her damaged kidneys. We are going with digested food is the best bet.

So...............now what. What do you give your spouse who never asks for anything? But however is lost with out his Monkey-mute? What do you do?

You search every rescue in the nation, have countless email conversations, denied opportunities, impossible situations, and sometimes insulting experiences.

Then....it all works out. You find the perfect situation, the perfect puppy, and you let spouse know....

The new little girl will never fill the hole in your heart, but she will create her own pawprints.

So, happy anniversary, honey, and everybody else.... Meet Sitka. This is a pic I got when she's four weeks old at this pic. Looks a little like a Guinea Pig, eh?

PS--I should mention that little miss doesn't come home until March. However, I love getting the baby pics!

Stupid dog tricks... the beginning

2010-01-28T22:02:00.000-08:00

Oh, we've been working with Caya's pea-sized brain. She needs motivation. More importantly, she needs to remember to respond to us. She's in her first stages of DEAD DOG, we hope that she'll learn to be the dog that fetches beer outta the cooler.

So, to follow up on earlier tribute, here's a tribute to Justice, cancer dog that passed away naturally before we understood what cancer dog meant!

A tribute

2010-01-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

To quote the Dead: "What a long strange trip it's been..."

As I look back the pet adventure started with Caya, then my beloved Neko Cat went into feline renal failure (she kept Truckin' for two years on fluids...possibly training me for Caya's adventure?) Then the rock of the family, Tika, battled cancer only to lose to it as Caya went into sudden acute renal failure.

Holy shit.

The combined vet bills starting with getting the pups tallies around $35K-45K. The majority of it being in the past year. However, St. Francis of Assisi and a few other religious dieties, oh hell maybe even Neko and Tika themselves have looked out for us because things are looking up, we will have the means to recover financially and we have the health of our remaining two critters. So, to all in the 'other' world, thank you.

However, I need to give a bit of love to the many folks I met over the last year. Without their support, laughter, tears and just being there, I kept a tenuous hold on my sanity. So to the pack at www.tripawds.com, I love you all, thank you for being there. My family, my friends, my coworkers, they all tried to understand, tried to be supportive, but I could feel the patience wearing thin. On the bad days, I just had Tika's jolly spirit and a few simple keyboard clicks and I knew I wasn't alone, I wasn't crazy.

To all of my fellow crazies--I'll always be there for you.

Caya was still getting fluids when the disaster in Haiti happened, I had several emotions going through me while I would sit on the floor administering fluids to her and watching people suffer and die and go without basic medical necessities for their needs. I felt guilty, we donated all we could to the relief efforts, we have even considered taking some time to go down there for rebuilding if we can, Caya was very lucky to be with us.

There was a recent article/poll in our local paper on what you would spend/do for a pet's health care. The answers amused me. My first thought was, AMATEURS, but honestly, you wouldn't know what you would do until the time comes. If somebody told me I would spend $20,000 on Caya over a two month period and put my job and my financial situation in jeopardy over her, I would have said no way. But I did.

Was it worth is? Oh, you betcha. Caya doesn't just own my pocketbook, she owns my mind and spirit, she shows me the simple joys in life. Tika taught us that in spades. If I ever get sick (and with my family history it's probably likely) I will hold on to Tika's memory, play her videos and say, I CAN be that strong. I'll remember the words of a elderly gentleman, "Live in her Strength."

So our four furry children are down to two, and they are starting to turn to each other, as if to say: "Okay, it's up to us now, we've got to team up and take care of these guys." So, to my 15 year old GracieCat, thank you for the love and hair combing. So, to miracle dog, Caya, thank you for showing me life doesn't have to be so SERIOUS and sticking around for a few more RV trips.

To the two that have gone on to new adventures, I know you are still with me. You always will be.

Caya is a little early for April Fools

2010-01-13T16:43:00.001-08:00

SOOOOOO, we got the shit scared out of us last night.

Caya was doing good, had dinner, was romping around with me, mauling me and playing with the ball, all was good. Total Norman Rockwell evening.

Then all of a sudden, lil' dog FLIPS OUT! Starts running around the house doing this weird head bobbing thing, drinking 10 tons of water, wanting outside where she started manically eating snow.

This kept going on, we tried to calm her down, nothing. Then BLEEEEAAAAAH, spectacular bazooka puke of all the water and snow she just ate. She calms down.

Then it happens again, manic snow eating (looked like Ms PacMan), freaking out. I grab a hold of her to calm her down and I feel her stomach, it's huge....her whole abdomen is distended....then the dreaded word comes....BLOAT.

We call the ER, they say bring her in. SO off we go to KC, I'm riding in the back, hubby is speeding, I'm getting carsick, dog is freaking out. Oh, and it's 10pm at night.

So, happy ending to the story. Doggie didn't have torsion. She had severe intestinal gas. I have IBS, so I know how painful that can be. Basically, Caya had a fart caught crosswise! Okay, sick humor, I know.

We got back home around midnight and stayed up for awhile longer. Finally, she calms down around 2am and we all get to sleep (she's racked out on top of me, but that's okay).

Today she was back to normal, she took a fantastic poo at lunch (more poopy talk!) and was a whole new dog.

It was the cheapest trip we've taken to the ER, but not a fun one. Let's not do that anymore, mmm'kay?

A new year...a new beginning

2010-01-05T14:03:00.001-08:00

I can't believe over a month has gone by since I have last posted.

Caya had several ups and downs over the last month, but she's finally on what we call the recovery path.

Several arguments ensued among the vets/specialists we were in contact with about whether Caya had a anti-biotic resistant form of leptospira, whether or not she needed a dialysis, etc.

Once Caya seemed to be on the up side of things and staying there, hubby and I took a break, got completely off the grid to rest and regroup. Caya was spending her days in the vets anyway so they took her and boarded her in a run at night. During our trip, we called and checked on her and we got the wonderful news that her BUN was in the normal range and her Creatinine was going down. (It's still high). The best news was we could finally start dialing back on fluids and she started eating by herself.

We got home yesterday (went from 85 degree weather to 10 degree weather and 16 inches of snow) and it seemed like we had a whole new Caya-dawg. We proceeded to destroy the pristine backyard playing (I hate the cold, but you cannot avoid being caught up in the rapturous joy of a german shepherd!)

Now, as things get better, what does the future hold? First of all 2010 has GOT to be better than 2009, it royally sucked. I want to tell myself I will not be an overprotective momma and keep Caya from enjoying all the things she loves. But it will take a while to get the image of my baby girl with tubes coming out from every angle out of my head.

Tika's presence is missed every day, I think mostly by my husband surprisingly. But I guess I am in that acceptance stage of grief and I can remember her for all the good times. I had a picture in my office at work that my parents gave me when Tika was a puppy and we visited them, Tim forgot about it so I framed it and gave it to him for our $5.00 christmas present giving.

So here's to a new year, we are planning a trip up to Montana (husband's never seen Yellowstone!) with Caya and the RV. My parents are both retired now so they'll be up visiting a lot, my dad has more or less kicked us out of our own house for the summer on the weekends. He wants pool and dog sitting duty. Hmmm, we'll see. If I can get Caya to agree to being a boat dog, she'll have a new job this summer.

And the hits keep rolling......

2009-11-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

When spouse went to pick up Caya and discuss things with the vet, Caya had an accident on the floor.

They got out the door, but the doctor decided to take a uriniary culture sample from the accident.

Sure enough, Caya had a urinary tract infection from the catheter. Even more groovy? It was a very antibiotic resistant form of E. Coli.

ARRRRGGGGH! For once, couldn't things be simple?

We are in a ritual of drop off doggie, pick up after work, syringe feed, SubQ.

She's been very playful, and super glad to be home, but STILL fussy with food. The only things she shows interest in are high protein snacks. She can't have high protein because of KIDNEY FAILURE!

Her kidney values are remaining steady, but not really improving, and that's a bit discouraging.

Also she's a bit incontinent in her sleep right now, (trying to catch up on almost 2 weeks of not sleeping), so we've had her sleeping with us, but we have the bed lined with towels and puppy training pads. Oh, getting 6 L of fluids a day probably isn't helping.

So, the couple who didn't want kids? We are doing the equivalent of bottle feeding, diaper changing, constant supervision, etc, etc.

Is it karma?

All I know is 24 karat puppy should thank her lucky stars that she wound up with us. We've put our credit score back in the dumpster and stretched ourselves pretty thin for her highness...

But she's worth it!

Caya comes home from VSEC

2009-11-22T14:29:00.000-08:00

She's in no way out of the woods yet. Her BUN and Creatinine are still very high.

However, she hasn't eaten in the 10 days she has been there and they had to put a feeding tube in.

We would visit her everyday, and every day she would look more and more depressed. I told hubby, we HAVE to get her out of there, she's losing the will to fight.

I don't think that the internist at the hospital wanted to release her, but we stood firm.

So she's home now, and will be getting IV fluids during the day and we will do SubQ fluids at night.

We'll see if we can get her eating, if not, break out the syringes and blender! I'm going in.

Her titer test indicated infection with three strains of Lepto.

We started taking Doxycycline in case of exposure, and Caya will be taking Doxy to kick out the rest of the infection.

RIP, my sweet baby Tika

2009-11-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

No matter how much you try, you can never prepare yourself for when it is time. Even though you know you are doing the right thing, your heart just shatters into a million pieces.

Yesterday, after the big meltdown, we calmed down and laid our hostilities and anger to rest. Hubby comforted me, apologized to me and I did the same. We went to visit Caya who was looking like a train wreck. She was also in the same kennel that Tika was in after her amputation. I told the vet staff to please name this kennel after us.

About 2 a.m. this morning, he comes up to me, the first time in 12 years I've ever seen him crying, he tells me...It's time. I get up, and go downstairs and gather Tika to me, she's gasping for air, I rub her chest and back until she can get her breath back. Once she is comfortable, we try to get a bit more sleep ourselves.

This morning, my husband has shut down, I make some calls and get in touch with the vet. We decide to bring Tika to the office, they have a special room, and we'll have the place to ourselves. We have about an hour left with Tika so we hugged her, and I told her that she needed to be Caya's guardian angel now because she's really, really sick. Pretty soon, I told her, you won't hurt anymore, and you'll have all your legs and breath and will be running around chasing rabbits.

We loaded Tika up into the truck and made our last car ride to the vets last as long as possible. Tika looked so worn out, there was absolutely no color to her gums or tongue. We get her into the office and start talking to the vet about what was going to happen. Tika of course summons up the strength to wag her tail at the vet, and vet tech.

In the end, it was very very peaceful, she just laid her head down and that was it. It was the first time in several weeks I hadn't seen her struggling to breathe. How can your heart break yet you feel relief at the same time?

Goodbye, sweet princess, I will always love you so.

The thin wire snaps

2009-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

We have one dog in end stage cancer, our other dog is in acute renal failure with 50/50 chance of survival.

The very, very, very thin line we've been doing our balancing act on has snapped and we are free falling.

Spouse and I got into a horrible argument this morning. I'm not trying to make him out to be an asshole (even though I did call him one at the time), I know he's scared, and I know he doesn't want to let go.

However, I did not appreciate hearing: "I'm tired of you lobbying to kill Tika." This is the sort of stuff we shouldn't be saying to our very strung out wife who's been spending the last few weeks cleaning up blood, urine, phlegm, helping a dying dog breathe, running back and forth to vets offices and trying to work a full time job.

So needless to say, the situation went critical in a hurry. Lots of cruel things were said to each other, it was horrible. I'm actually surprised we hadn't cracked before this.

I ended the fight with, fine, you have full responsibility for Tika the rest of today, and you sleep with her tonight. I only have cuddle duty. Not hospice duty. Spend some actual TIME with her, you'll understand what I'm saying.

This is the worst time of our lives right now, and we shouldn't have taken it out on each other, but we did. Thankfully, our relationship is strong enough to survive it.

Caya goes to emergency hospital

2009-11-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

Today the vet called, it's time to transfer Caya to the emergency hospital. She needs to have heavy amounts of fluids pumped into her to help flush her kidneys.

We are still waiting on the Lepto titer test, and ironically enough almost a year to the day of when I was freaking out waiting for Tika's results, I'm once again freaking out waiting for Caya's results.

She will have a jugular catheter, urinary catheter, sonograms, all sorts of fun stuff. Poor baby, she's not like TikaBear, she is not fond of going to the vet.

I gave Tika her first pain shot today, she looked miserable. When we got back from KC, she had perked up quite a bit and we had a nice meal together and she was nice and goofy. I just hugged her alot, she doesn't realize what's going on, but I try not to cry in front of her.

Oh, lookeee, it's Friday the 13th. And I'm really living it to the fullest today.

2009-11-12T14:19:00.000-08:00

Caya is still at the vets office. They have her on IV fluids and they have sent off to confirm Lepto through a antibody titer test.

The news we are reading is not reassuring. She's in massive kidney failure right now.

I went to visit her, she's so quiet, not used to that. I'm scared, but it all feels so surreal.

Tika is hanging in there barely. I've started discussing 'it's time' with my husband, but he's just not willing to accept it yet.

In the meantime, I try to comfort her and worry about Caya.

Earlier in the week Tika had a bloody nose, I got her cleaned up, but the doc said the cancer has probably spread to her sinuses. We have some synthetic morphine for her if it gets too bad. We've upped her Prednisone.

The coughing is getting so bad.

The day the earth stood still, Pt. 2

2009-11-11T14:13:00.000-08:00

I took Caya to the doctor today. She suddenly stopped eating, drinking tons of water and being very lethargic.

After a urine test, our vet decided to play it safe and admit her and start her on fluids.

Later this evening, we got the results of the blood test. She's in renal failure.

WHAT?

They are thinking it's Leptospirosis. WTF is that? Well, it's something that they can pick up from drinking contaminated water, it's passed through rodent urine, etc.

So, I'm dumbfounded, I have nothing. Tika is starting to rapidly decline, and now Caya is really sick.

Oh, god. I can't lose both the baby girls at once.

Day at the lake

2009-11-10T05:59:00.001-08:00

Well, true to form, the famous Midwest weather decided to bring us Summer in November. Tika is slowing down but had enough in her to enjoy our outing to the lake.

Where you goin' three legs?

World Famous Canadian Goose Herder, Caya

Tika's Attempt to Drink the Entire Lake almost successful

Coolest. Fetch. Stick. Ever.

Hmmm, should I go drink more water or lie down for awhile?

Tired. Soggy. Stinky. Happy......

Another decline and rebound

2009-10-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

Tika had another decline in health. She stopped eating again, and stopped drinking water.

I tried to take her temp, which I've done before, but she wasn't having it, and bit me. First time she's ever bitten me, ever.

Needless to say it wasn't pretty in the household.

I loaded her up in my car and another indication that things weren't too spiffy was the fact that she for once, laid down in my car instead of pacing about (I don't have a dog friendly car, even tho' it's a small SUV)

So, once again her temp was at 103+. She was generally feeling crappy. The vet and I discussed treatment. We decided to go back to Baytril to treat the fever since it worked last time, he gave her a shot of cortisone and I will finally start with Prednisone, and he gave her a pain shot and sent me home with more Buprenorphine.

The vet wanted to know why she hadn't been on Prednisone, I said, ask your colleague, I asked for Prednisone a month ago. So I probably got somebody in trouble. I was also a basket case and cried a lot in the waiting room. Tika talked to the vet staff and held my hand.

Really, the dog will hold your hand, she laces her claws and toes in between your fingers and actually holds on. I think she held my hand for my sake. Sweet baby.

When we were giving the shots, it took both me and the vet assistant, Tika fought, she never fought before. The vet and I figured that she's starting to hurt. But he felt that as long as she is still 'talking' to us, wagging her tail and seemingly happy, if it were his dog, he wouldn't rush things. Let's just treat the pain.

I went home, the next day hubby returns from his trip and starts researching Buprenorphine and all the side effects and doesn't want to give it to her. The Baytril (antibiotic) kicked in and knocked out the fever, so she started feeling better.

The cortisone has really diminished her cough, that may be good or bad, who knows. So she has rebounded again. A heart of a lion miss thing has.

Love hurts

2009-10-14T18:45:00.001-07:00

Caya has been having a love affair with a squirrel. Yes, squirrel. Rocky the Squirrel.

Every morning, he waits for her on the fence (I'm just gonna assume it's a 'he', okay?), she runs out and they run back and forth, he on top of the fence her down below.

It's obviously a relationship, her tail wags, he waits for her, they look adoringly into each others eyes. Its been going on for months.

I mention to my husband that we might want to make sure Caya's getting enough attention from us, since she's developed a interspecies relationship.

Well today I let her out, and what does this cruel heartbreaking boy-squirrel do? He brings out his new lady friend. The tramp, sashaying her fluffy little tail and batting her eyes at him so demurely.

So, and honestly, I can't make this stuff up, Caya sees her friend, goes running up, sees the other squirrel (TRAMP!) and just sits down. She looks stunned. The squirrel couple go gallavanting off to the walnut trees to start preparing for their winter love nest.

Caya just sits there staring off after them for a long time, she ignores my calls, then finally comes to me, looking over her shoulder like: "But I WUVED him!" I thought, OMG, I'm going to have to support my DOG through her first break up.

It was funny, it was tragic, it was a bit creepy. So tonight when I let her out, I imagine this will be happening at the base of the walnut tree.

And now--featuring Gracie Cat

2009-10-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we actually have other pets. Gracie is my old lady, around 15 years old. She's also my huntress.

So what hath the huntress killed for me?

A ring necked snake.

Good kitty.

Then we get another one in the house, Dad's turn to go clean up the snake. However, Miss Gracie hadn't quite finished the job.

So hubby's holding the snake while Gracie is playing Mike Tyson with it, bff, bff, sock'em!

I don't think he liked that game.

Gracie the Snake Killer and part time seamstress

At your service

Happy 10 month ampuversary

2009-10-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

To my girl--love you so. Didn't think you were gonna make it this far after our scare earlier this month.

Happy 10 months! --Love Momma.

Happy Ampuversary to MEEEEE-EEE!!!

PWND!

2009-10-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

Totally. We think Tika is faking this cancer stuff. She found out that she can con us out of good food, have us wait on her hand and paw.

I busted her eating KIBBLE, yes regular dog food. Oooo, girlie. I'ma gonna get you.

So needless to say, she's doing great. Did a complete smackdown on Caya this morning because Caya was being a maniac. Cracked me up.

Here's to you, Tika. You rock.

2009-10-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

Finally gave Caya her bath, she doesn't like it (the medicated shampoo has to sit on her skin for 10 minutes...YES 10 MINUTES) Handled it like a trooper. Also tried to maul me in our walk-in shower after a while. So as a result, I got a bath/shampoo also whether I needed it or not.

Tika was highly entertained...Finally, you are torturing the little dog.

Tonight I was curled up with Tika, the cough has come back and it's a doozy. She still eating and happy and wants to go for walks, but she coughed up some very bloody mucus. Even she was like yuck.

I try to be strong for her, but I can't help but tear up. Her breathing has gotten a bit worse.

Damn, she's a tough pup.

Wonder dog still is wonderful

2009-09-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Tika's rally continues, she's eating well, very much into being a part of the family. Ornery and sassy. Her diarrhea cleared up (YEP! more poopie talk)

I couldn't be happier.

In the process of fussing over Tika, I've not been paying attention to the warning signs of Caya's skin problems and she is having another flare up. I need to get her bathed with her medicated shampoo.

She doesn't like having a bath. So I keep putting off, shame on me.

End of Life care

2009-09-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

Tika has rallied, and brought great joy to our hearts.

We found some things that she'll eat so she's getting a calorie count in her.

I give her a SubQ injection of Metcam everyday, that seems to keep the fever under control.

She also has Pepcid if she needs it.

We got to go for a walk and let them roam off leash, that dog does so much humble me.

So, we take each day as it comes, alway monitoring to make sure Tika is happy and comfortable. Dreading the days coming when things start degrading with her help.

But, we were able to buy time right now after we though we were losing her last week. That's more precious than anything.

Her Highness Calls

2009-09-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not denying that she is sick and also dying, but man, what a BRAT.

Of course that being said, I couldn't be more overjoyed in her brattiness.

I swear if milady had a little silver bell she'd be ringing it. Please dahling, more water, more food, more treats.

Now that her appetite is returning, I'm trying to get her back on regular food, she ate some today, but the faces and theatrics? OMG!

I mean, really, we don't expect princess to just eat plain old kibble do we?

Hospice Care

2009-09-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

Or should it be Pawspice? That's pretty much all we have left at this point.

The vet could find no indication of infection, however her lung mets have definitely grown. Tika did have a fever, so we gave her a dose of antibiotics.

Thankfully, we've ruled out all parasites or infections and her blood oxygen is an amazing 98%. The vet thinks is the crap cancerous tumors dump into her system that is causing the fever and the general malaise.

Huh, my dog is dying of cancer and she don't feel good, who woulda thunk?

We started her on injectable Metacam, subcutaneously given. That will give her comfort. I will be able to do this at home. After 2 years of fluids on my kitty, this tiny needle on this big dog seems like nothing.

She's also taking Pepcid.

We did find the magic bullet on food. Cesar's Softies--just a regular run of the mill treat. So we are getting calories in her.

Yesterday was a good day, we went for a car ride and walk and she did really good. That night, she not only ate the treats, but she had eaten a burger dad made for her and some luncheon meat and cheese. I was so excited.

But today, she's back to just Cesar treats and her dog cookies. Brat. But she's chipper and a lot more mobile, so I'm not going to complain.

All in all, I think we only have a few more weeks with her. But now it's not a run away train, and we know we are making her comfortable.

Tim started talking about Palladia again. I hid the pills, and he knows it. They aren't going to save her, and I think they were making her feel crappy.

Sleepless nights

2009-09-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

I am usually crashing out by 9pm now. I sleep about 3-4 hours before the nightmares begin.

They are usually very weird and disjointed, and I can't remember when I wake.

Then I lay there thinking, is Tika still alive? Is she in pain? And I'm afraid of getting up for fear that she may have passed away.

I finally get up and check on her, and she's been okay. But usually it takes me another hour to try to get back to sleep.

A decision is made

2009-09-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

We made the heartrending decision to stop any treatment of Tika. We will discuss her care and comfort for the remainder of her days.

I am getting her to eat, but now she seems constipated. She is showing a little spunk, but you can tell she's tired.

Her current favorite foods are boiled hamburger meatballs, and Turkey Hotdogs with cheese. She did have a McD's cheeseburger (plain) today. She's always been my Fry Guy, so when she didn't eat a fry today, I cried some more.

She does drink lots of water, she has shown a little more energy this evening than she has. However, every time she gets up, her 'smokers hack' starts.

We'll go to the doctor tomorrow to see if she has any secondary infections or possibly pneumonia, and we'll discuss pain treatment.

I hope she rallies, I'm not ready to say goodbye to her yet.

Tika's fading.....or not?

2009-09-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Lots of tears. Maybe I am overreacting I don't know. I feel like she has never rebounded from our last trip. Maybe it was the inhaled chemo. Maybe it was overexertion. But the fact remains, baby girl isn't doing well.

It's been building up but she hasn't been eating, she's visibly lost weight. She's not vomiting, but everything goes right through her.

Today she was very weak, everything was unacceptable to her. I didn't know what to do. We talked to the vet who suggested an antinausea drug. It might take a few days for it to kick in, but I thought okay, let's try. We are discussing stopping the Palladia.

Later on, I finally got her to eat. Boiled chicken. No scent to it. She's hungry, but if she smells something, she's immediately turned off. I was delighted that she ate the boiled chicken, I would dab it in some pumpkin and cottage cheese to get her more calories.

She had been digging at her eyes, I noticed that they are both horribly infected, green goo coming from both. Where did that come from? What does that mean?

I took a sick day today, I spent my time tending to Tika and running upstairs to lay down and cry.

She seems to be getting better, the food is staying in her and not immediately coming out the other end. That's good, she needs the nutrition, I boiled some ground beef in little balls and she thought that was awesome.

I hope she pulls through this, it's been a bit of a strain on the spouse and I and we are taking it out on each other, that's not helping anything.

However, it brings to the forefront the stark reality that our beautiful girl is dying. And that reality rips my heart apart.

A picture says a thousand words

2009-09-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

However, I don't like the story line.

Here's the progression of Tika's lung mets from May to Sept.

May, looking good!

June 29, spots, starting to show. (Lower right)

August, mets are definitely growing

September. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

IL2 treatment

2009-09-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

Well, we got the news. We had already come to the conclusion ourselves, but it still hurt.

The IL2 treatment wasn't effective, the lung mets have grown, and grown signifcantly.

The oncologist and vet keep telling us that it seems to be particularly aggressive. Well, piss on them for being right. Couldn't they screw up for once? I wouldn't sue them or anything. PROMISE!

We are going for one last try. Tika is still doing great, walking, sassing, eating, having a grand old time. We are going to the University of Missouri Vet Hospital to try inhaled chemotherapy and with a different chemo drug than before. We will also start Palladia which has been approved for mast cell tumors in dogs, but it might work on lung mets.

I do have some misgivings at times, are we being fair to Tika? I hope so.

So the Labor Day weekend is coming up and we will go to Columbia, MO first then vacation in the RV with the dogs the weekend.

Caya turns 5!

2009-08-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, how time flies.

Here she is in the trailer doing her best impersonation of a NASCAR fan.

Happy Birthday, little girl, thank you for your strength!

Bark for Life

2009-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Kansas had it's first Bark for Life event for the American Cancer Society, it's modelled after the Relay for Life.

Held at the Eudora Park, about 75 people showed up with their dogs. I believe Tika was the only true cancer survivor that was also a canine.

They had an agility course which the dogs entertained themselves and all of us by doing. Tika won a prize for her attempt.

Doing the loop, let's go!

Meet my little friend.....

A gentleman visited with Tika for awhile, he was also a cancer survivor, they were having some sort of moment with each other, I felt like an intruder. He thanked me for letting him 'borrow' my girl and told me to "Live in her Strength".

Yes sir. I will.

IL-2 treatment continues

2009-08-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

I should mention that in spite of all of our gallavanting around, we are still doing the IL-2 treatment in the camper.

Tika just says okay.

However, she gets fussy about eating, well, they both are. I had to scope out Estes Park for some metal bowls, the camper ones I bought are plastic and I think their highnesses do not care for the plastic.

Off to see my family tomorrow!

Tripawds Pawty

2009-08-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

One of the many reasons for choosing Estes Park was that we would be able to take part in the Tripawds.com party in Longmont.

I was really excited because I wanted to meet the great people that I've met on the forums. Of course, I wanted to show off how wonderful Tika was doing also.

All in all, I think 25 or so tripawds showed up to the get together at the longmont dog park. I think Caya was starting to feel a little out of place with that 'extra' leg of hers!

A couple of times I got a little misty-eyed watching the kids and getting meet everybody. It was a thoroughly wonderful day.

Getting these humans and dogs grouped together is like herding cats!

A very tired dog of the hour, Wyatt Ray Dawg.

A big squish for my baby!

Road Trip to Colorado

2009-08-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

So, doggies are digging the RV after a couple of weekends up at the lake.

We headed out to Estes Park, CO on Thursday. We spent the night in western KS and then got to Estes Park on Friday. Oh boy, we got some happy doggies on our hands. All sorts of neat stuff to smell.

However, there has been a collective (human and canine) allergic reaction to the sage. Tika regrouped quickly, the rest of us hit the allergy meds.

The campground is right off Lake Estes and fun stuff to see and snorfle and a river to splash in oh boy.

The best part for the doggies was the dog park, Caya learned some basic agility and they both ruled the roost. The dog park has access to the lake so they could both swim.

Of Caya the shit, attacked poor Tika in the lake and about drowned her.
what is wrong with that dog?

Morning sun hitting the mountains, thanks
doggies for getting me up.....maybe....

High priestess of the lake, Caya von MeaniePants

Romping around

Starting new treatment for Tika's lung mets

2009-08-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

We are starting a new treatment to try to slow down Tika's lung mets. It has a very slim chance of working, but it won't hurt her if it doesn't. This fits our criteria for trying new things.

It is an immunotherapy treatment called IL-2 Interleukin-2 Liposomes. She will have to inhale it twice daily for 30 days and then be rechecked.

We've been practicing and I'll be damned if that dog just doesn't roll with the flow.

"You want to put a bag on my snout? Uh, you are weird, but I guess, sure why not"

The treatment isn't cheap, but it will be pretty darn groovy if it works.

Tika says: You weird bleeders....

The supplies for treatment (and not a home meth lab!)

Here's hoping things work out! Metronomic protocol will continue. Hubby is researching the next treatment option.

Rolling down the road with the dogs

2009-08-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well we bought an RV, since hubby isn't what we'd call an "outdoor-sy" guy and Tika isn't what we'd call a "Kansas Summer" dog, we thought this would be the best way for us all to spend a bit more time together before the end comes for Tika.

We did our first two trials up at the lake, and they went really well, the dogs were like, HEY, cool.

So, hey cool that they decided that marking their territory in it was appropriate.

And they totally didn't get why mom is bent out of shape. Oh, Nature's Miracle, did I tell you lately that I love you?

Besides the pee thing, they are weird about eating, a bit prissy if you will. They better get over it.

So, our sailboat friends have had endless amounts of entertainment with the land yacht. "When's the NASCAR event? Jerry Springer coming over?" Oh well, doggies can't quite deal when we are busting up the lake close hauled on a starboard tack.

However, being generally good peoples besides the teasing, I received this as a RV warming present, very, very, nice.

We'll be gearing up for the great Colorado trip soon

Playing in the dog park

2009-07-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

Here's a lovely little video we put together. It's sappy, but I don't care. Lookee my girl go.

We all need to learn to live for the moment---peace.

Update time, WOW

2009-07-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

So, I've been off of the grid for awhile. I travelled most of June and been avoiding computers in general for most of July. So here's the Cliff's notes.

1. Tika's lung mets have increased in size and are now confirmed. Big cry baby day for me.
2. Both dogs have gotten over their piss-cadero episodes. THANKFULLY!
3. Airconditioning got completely overhauled and fixed, now even Artic Dog is asking to go outside to warm up.
4. We bought a RV trailer (wait, what, huh?)

So, I will detail some points soon in another post. Basically, we've been having a grand 'ole time out there.

Paws up!

Happy Five Years to Tika!

2009-07-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

Tika is five years old today.

So she gots lots of being spoiled rotten. And man, she will definitely let you do that.

This picture was taken awhile back, but is still my favorite.

And we're clear!

2009-06-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

Whoohoo, Caya has been declared free of her yeast infection and now we are just working on her allergies.

Tika is doing great, she's gone from diarrhea dog back to "happy doo-dee" dog. Did I, or did I not, tell you there's a lot doggie doodoo talk!

The Sulfracate is working really well, so we are going to start back full time on her Piroxicam.

Also, old three legs hiked up stairs to shag my but outta bed this morning because I obviously didn't hear the alarm. Very nice! Of course, I totally was late because we all curled up in the bed together for awhile.

I do have my priorities you know!

Reason #4921 why Caya's breeder is evil

2009-06-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Because I have a fondness for annoying myself, I went to Caya's breeder website. (Still it shall remain anonymous)

There was an article written by the breeder about her long-coated shepherds. It states in the article that she has never had a long-coated shepherd without an undercoat.

Uhhhhh, whatever! Caya TOTALLY doesn't have an undercoat, she hardly sheds (well, except when she gets a yeast infection) I comb her with a fine tooth comb. It's about as fine as my hair is. When we went for a check up, I asked the vet, do you think she has a undercoat? The vet said, what, NO WAY! I shared the story with her.

This person has been in total denial about ANY of Caya's medical conditions, the EPI, the weirdness when she was a puppy, the allergies. What about responsible breeding, people? It applies to the dogs that don't always work about perfectly and you can get $12,000 for!

I comfort myself in knowing that there's a couple of very well reknown vet hospitals out there, TAMU canine gastro-intestinal and KSU Vet school that have Caya's DNA and complete medical and breeding history. She's my beautiful baby, and I love her, but no doggie should go through what she goes through, and a lot of wonderful people are working hard to prevent it.

I am glad I have her, because I can afford to pay for her care, and I am willing to sacrifice personally to make sure she gets it.

All we need to add to that is some responsible breeding and ownership of genetic anomalies if they happen. Not the garbage we've been getting.

Off my soapbox now!

Doggie health update

2009-06-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

They are both doing better, we are in the process of retraining them to go outside, since they've both been busted decorating the carpet.

I did not have a good week waking up everyday to see who whizzed their initials into the carpet.

So....after 40,000 pills, 50,000 gallons of nature's miracle and 20-30 gallons of wine (for me!) I think we are through the worst of it.

Tika had a suspicion of a bladder infection, she was treated accordingly. Caya's yeast infection and allergies are clearing up.

However, I do feel like I've spent most of the last 10 days either mopping up the carpet or shoving a pill down somebody's throat.

This is one of those weeks when I think, "oh, a goldfish would be nice, I'll call him Nemo"

Cheers!

Urine-Nation

2009-05-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Oh.....f#$kstockings. (I just read Christopher Moore's book, Fool, and now my vocabulary is peppered with all sorts of innappropriate language)

We took Tika in to be checked for bladder infection that could be the result of her Cytoxan pills.

She has spent every evening blessing our carpet (no, not the TILE, not the HARDWOOD, the CARPET!)

I have parents coming for the holiday weekend. Hi Mom and Dad--here's a breathing mask for you. Sorry that the house smells like an unkept zoo.

To top it off, the air conditioning keeps freezing up, so not only has my dear doggie dumped several gallons of urine in the carpet, we now have a warm, incredibly humid house to enhance the smell.

I do hope baby is alright.

Itchy Scratchy and Puke-a-mute

2009-05-19T06:51:00.001-07:00

Oh, holy christ.

I swear they are in competition with each other for the most problems.

Not to be one-upped by puking cancer dog with 'suspicious' spots in her lungs.

Caya is in full blown allergic dermititis with generalized yeast infection. The girls were in the kennel this weekend while the carpet got cleaned and we had the house bombed for brown recluse spiders.

We came back and I woke up this morning to another offering to the vomit gods by Tika. I feel so sorry for her, but I am getting tired of cleaning this stuff up. I wish she'd do this when I'm either conscious or at home so that we can run to the door together.

I'll need to add a picture of the doggie pharmacy. Let's see Pepcid/Cyclophosphamide/Piroxicam for Tika. Caya: Antifungal/Antihistimine-Cortisone/Antifungal shampoo.

Both dogs are so used to taking pills, when I opened up my vitamin pill bottle this morning to take my daily vitamin they both come running and sat down.

Poor babies....

Sassy Mute

2009-05-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

On a mucho daily basis, I get cussed out for some crime I have committed. Here's a sample. Yes, I do encourage it for posterity's sake. I am the director, dammit.

Pool's open!

2009-04-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

We opened the pool last week. Kinda nasty. However, Disneyland to the doggies. UPDATE: It's pretty cleared up now.

It's been clearing out the past week, and Tika is really digging her new exercise routine.

We just have to make sure Caya doesn't try to maul her everytime she gets out of the pool.

(A certain shepherd has decided that the pool is hers, and nobody else allowed in.

I was really good keeping my editorial comments to myself, but yes, my brat Shepherd does have to gnaw on the malamute every time she gets into the pool, or stream, or lake.

A tired dog is a good dog

2009-04-15T15:36:00.001-07:00

What a beautiful spring day.

I took the girls down to their favorite little nature park. Besides the attempted drowning of one malamute by one german shepherd it was wonderful.

I really got to work on Caya's need to grab the leash and start pulling us frantically across any road we cross. After tripping over her, 3 legs and a close encounter with a RAV 4, we got under control

Hubby thinks it's 'cute'. Yeah, my ass, next time I see him encouraging it, I'm taking the damn leash and horse whipping him with it.

Happy O'Mally-mute Day

2009-03-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

I played hooky from work because it was absolutely gorgeous outside. The girls and I went for a walk. Because of my concern for Tika’s leg, I made a move to turn around, let’s just say that it didn’t fly with Tika-Dawg. She puts on her brakes and just stares me in the eyes. Malamute owners can testify that if a malamute gets a notion in her head, you pretty much better prepared to go along. I told her to come along and she held her ground just giving her doggie version of a glare. Caya starts to get worried, she’s my obedient one and she has no clue what is going on. Finally I walk forward like I’m going to continue you and WHOOSH, my arm is almost pulled from its socket by the TriPawd.

Okay, I guess we are not done walking yet. So we go a little further and I tried to turn around again. Once again, brakes and the glare. Okay, I guess we are still not walking again. We keep going starting to make a big circle and taking our time. I pull out the cell phone and cancel the vet appointment. This dog is fine, she probably just pulled a muscle. However, mom is still recovering from her bronchitis and infection so she’s huffing and puffing. Tika says: WIMP!

Later that night, Tim and I came home. We went out for a holiday beer, but far too sober for the crowd, the waitress had given us beads for the occasion. I took the beads and put them around the dogs. Tika was so proud. Look at my O’Mally-mute beads. Later she put up a fight when I went to take them off for bedtime. MINE, MINE, MINE.

Happy St. Patricks Day, aren't our beads CUTE?

I should mention that we hardly notice that she is missing a leg anymore, she’s still a bit bald on her butt and she breathes a bit harder than she used to. However, she is fully back to her bossy, bitchy, trouble-making self and we just delight in it. I come home from work and usually have a full blown 15 minute conversation with her about my day. We better make sure she gets her food by 6pm or we will hear about it…..and her pills…..and our food. What a bossy dog. Oh well, she can pretty much be anything she wants now…within reason.

Happy 2 month Ampuversary

2009-02-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

Tika’s two month ampuversary. She’s doing absolutely great. She’s gone from her nickname of ham-butt, to her nickname of fuzzbutt. She’s getting used to letting us help her into the car, etc. We’ve discussed the Metronomic protocol with the oncologist and she has agreed to start Tika on the one pill, an NSAID called piroxicam.

The goal of the Metronomic Protocol is to impede the growth of any cancer cells/tumors.

Every three months we take Tika in for lung X-rays to see if they are still clear. We would like to keep her with us as long as possible with the best quality of life possible.

Tika has become nothing short of infamous at VSEC. She marches in and just talks to everybody and is an absolute goofball. VSEC isn’t really a place that folks go because their furry kids are doing well, so it’s nice to watch Tika bring a small smile to people’s faces or just for her to love them up. I think sometimes it gives them hope, because really Tika is a happy dog.

2009-01-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

Over the next few weeks, Tika continues to heal. As she gets stronger, I get stronger also. I’m very humbled to be around her. We switched her food over to Innova EVO, a high protein, low carb diet. We made the mistake of having Caya go on this also. Big mistake. Another problem EPI dogs have is that they can’t digest high fat foods.

Long story short, Lil’ Miss became a weapon of mass destruction. There were fumes coming from that dog that would clear the room. WOW! To save you the gory details, let’s just suffice to say that we went back to her normal food and life returned to normal.

Every day Tika gets stronger, her fur is growing back, but she looks like a badly shorn sheep. Tim and I can’t resist patting her bald butt, she looks at us, like….DO YOU MIND.

She has made a couple of trips upstairs, it takes some effort on her part, but she’s so proud when she gets it done. By now, the scarf used to support her is a natural thing, so on the weekends, I grab the scarf and Tika runs to the steps so I can help her upstairs to torment Tim awake.

We have gone through another chemo treatment with flying colors, blood counts are good. We are now researching Metronomic Protocol.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

We had Christmas with the dogs. Oh, man. They just loved it. I tried to get into the spirit, but I’m still trying to grasp our new reality. There was also the thought that this is probably her last Christmas.

Tika was a joy, EVERY gift was hers. Period. So we let her open them all. Tika has shown no effects from the chemo besides being a little tired the first day.

My present, paws off!

Mine. Mine. Mine.

Momma and her babies.

The news comes in

2008-12-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

Our trip to VSEC. After waiting in the lobby forever, they came to take her back for chemotherapy. I’m about ready to throttle everyone, what are the results? Soon Dr. Heeb came out with the news: Chondroblastic Osteosarcoma. We will be doing a series of four chemo treatments, each three weeks apart. I tried to prepare myself for this, but the punch in the gut still happened. I just sat in the lobby and cried, Tim tried to stay strong for me, but I could tell he was crushed. This sweet girl came over and gave me a hug, “Don’t worry,” she said, “They’ll fix her all up.” What a dear, but unfortunately, that’s not gonna be in the cards.

We went home. I am now numb. Everything is a fog.

Oh, and Tika? She’s just trucking along. A lack of self-awareness is a highly underrated thing.

Mom, Mom, Look at me, Look at me

2008-12-16T17:22:00.000-08:00

ThrowMyBallThrowMyBallThrowMyBall

SNOWSNOWSNOWSNOW

SPLAT!

Did you just throw snow in my face? That is so wrong, on so many levels.

2008-12-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

Dad’s 40^th birthday, a bit on the solemn side. We are anxiously awaiting the biopsy results to see if we have

1. Just low grade chondrosarcoma

2. High grade chondrosarcoma, or

3. Osteosarcoma.

The first one is our pick, that means the amputation got the cancer. No word yet.

Snowed today, a present to Tika since we don’t get a lot of snow. I worried about her balance, but she did well, she enjoyed chomping up the snow. Her curly tail keeps on tickling her naked butt and she jumps a bit, she’ll get used to it. I feel guilty because I giggle a bit, it must feel like being tickled with a feather.

2008-12-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

Things are going well, we made it through the night with no puking. She’s healing nicely except for what looks like two small seromas. I think the incision has healed underneath so there’s some trapped fluid. However, I’m not a doctor so I’ll have to wait. We’ve expanded her area to ‘roam’ a bit. The collar has been staying off most of the time and she hasn’t been fussing. GOOD! The only thing we notice is that she’s a bit quiet. Sleeps a lot, I think with no pain meds she’s feeling it a bit. (Okay, understatement of the year.) However, she’s not showing any signs of extreme pain or distress and I think she would prefer that to barfing. I definitely do.

Had a first ‘accident’ between the dogs, Caya our german shepherd got a little too excited and swung around and hip checked Tika at her surgery sight. Boy, I didn’t handle that well, I’ve never heard Tika cry out before and it broke my heart. Tim just got me some wine. (Cheaper than a shrink.)

Doggie is on the mend...we are through week one of the 'Two Weeks of Hell'

Common sight for right now.

2008-12-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

No more broth, just boiled chicken. I’ve just been giving her a little bit at a time. I want to make sure she has enough to keep her stomach steady for the Deramaxx that she is still taking. We’ve stopped with the Tramadol, I think it’s making her too loopy and nauseous.

The day is going well except for the 40 degree drop in temperature over a 3 hour period. So, Tika is getting to feel the joys of not having that thick coat of hair all over her butt. The quote of the day is: “I’m freezing my ass off, so you must be, cause you got nuthin’ covering it.”

She's motivating pretty well. Still a bit agitated and loopy at times. I am trying not to project my own feelings on her. I often run upstairs or downstairs to cry. My poor kitty, Gracie, the queen of the bottom floor is starting to think she's a kleenex. But she's pretty good to cry on her little shoulder.

You gotta be kidding

2008-12-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

Since Tika has been so squirrelly with the e-Collar and having panic attacks etc. We wanted to try different options so that we didn't have to worry about her during the night.

Below is one option. Needless to say, we figured it wasn't gonna work out.

"Am I just stoned, or did you fruitcakes just seriously put shorts on me?"

2008-12-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

We woke up to a good day. I’ve been spending the night downstairs to make sure she’s doing okay. It was a very warm for Kansas in December so we worked with Tika to make sure she was okay with the stairs and such.

Today the Fentanyl patch came off, I made sure Dad kept Caya busy outside while I worked on it. It went well, of course I was treating the situation like it was a HazMat emergency. J

She vomited again in the middle of the night, for some reason she is making it through the day, but not the night. She’s been eating boiled chicken with a little kibble and her pills snuck into cheese. I had some chicken broth from the boiled chicken and I was using that on her food. Maybe all of the fat in the broth is a little too much. I’ll stop adding it.

It was quite dramatic how the vomiting happened. She wouldn’t stop pacing and kept nosing her food dish, so I thought I offer her some boiled chicken to munch on. As soon as she took it she gagged it out and started retching, bless her little canine heart we made it out to the deck before everything came up.

We’ve also decided to back down on her pain meds, she seems to be really sensitive to them.

2008-12-12T08:36:00.000-08:00

We kept Tika in her pen, but let her have the collar off as long as she behavedBesides some general confusion because of the surgery and pain meds, she’s doing well. We spent the day with her, fussing, seeing if she’d eat. (She did.)

She has been a bit antsy, and jumpy. So I calmed her down a bit and gave her a light sponge bath. Mostly to get that itchy antibacterial soap out of her fur and some of the post surgery crud. Tika seemed to really like that. I think the pain meds are making her see pink elephants.

I don’t know if I let her overdo it but we had barf-o-rama tonight. Most of the food was undigested. Poor baby. Most of the night she was pacing I guess it was nausea. After vomiting she curled up and went to sleep.

Even though I took the collar off, it would put her into these full blown panic attacks, she did figger out how to manipulate it to get some water!

Oh, I might add, I am going batshit crazy because we haven't heard the final results of Tika's biopsy after the leg came off. It's only the difference of knowing a) whether she's done and she'll live forever as a TriPawd ORRRRRR she's not done and we only have a year or less with her.

Tika comes home

2008-12-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

We brought girlie home. We about had to tackle her as she started bouncing out of the lobby. It was as if she was saying, let’s get out of here, they’ll steal your leg! The post-op instructions were pretty clear, rest, pain meds, hopefully she’ll eat and do her bodily functions.

Now the fun part, the dog that isn’t really into riding in the car now has to endure a 40 minute ride on three legs. I stayed in the back with her and tried to get her to stay still as much as possible. Hah, that was the longest trip in my life. She did pretty good. We got her out of the car, she thinks the scarf I’m using as a sling is completely retarded, what is THAT for? Right off the bat she peed….ALOT. WhooHoo, I don’t Tim and I have been so excited about dog pee in our lives! We got even more excited when she did #2 later on.

Caya, decided to take her duties as head nurse very seriously and was very good. Of course, she’s trying to figure out what exactly is going on.

We made a pen for Tika so she could be with us and we didn’t have to worry about her moving too much right off the bat and Caya couldn’t accidently hurt her. She quickly got used to her room and when we’d go out she’d immediately walk back in it. She’s happy to be home, that’s for sure.

I spent the night by her, she had to wear her e-collar and didn’t really like it.

Look! I'm a flower!

The visit

2008-12-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

The folks at VSEC call with an update and tell me I can come see Tika that afternoon, possibly even bring her home that evening.

I went to see Tika at VSEC. She was still pretty loopy, but recognized me. My first reaction was how good the surgery site looked. She had the big Elizabethan collar on her head that she wasn’t too thrilled about. Since I was in the back, I could only visit with her about 15 minutes. So I talked to her and pet her and told her that she’d be home soon. At one time, one of the nurses let out a 'ahhhh', I didn't realize it but, I had my head in the e-collar and Tika and I had our foreheads against each other, it's our little love touch.

She would paw at me for more pets and love. The doctor stopped by and I had him explain more about the surgery. Some of the muscle, etc was saved to give her more of a ‘butt’ to sit on.

They said they’d call to let us know whether she could go home tomorrow or tonight.

When they finally called, Tim and I had decided to give her one more day at the hospital to sober up a bit. I also realized that we needed to do some work around the house to make it more tri-pawd friendly. By now, I feel completely different than I did about 36 hours ago. Not like hyper happy, but not throw myself off a cliff either.

My friend Sabrina met me for an early dinner and some 'human' time, I am really grateful to her, I'm sure I was just a joy to be around. But it was much needed.

Here's a pic of stoner dog. She's in a galaxy far far away.

Here's her surgical site, just in case anybody was like me and wants to prepare for what is going to happen.

The day of surgery

2008-12-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

The big day, we got up early to get her to the surgeon by 7:30am. I tried desperately to be strong, but I felt like I was going to lose it. Fortunately, Tika just thinks vets are the neatest places so she stood there ‘talking’ to everybody she could. Finally, they came to get her. As she looked over her shoulder one last time before trotting to the back, I knew I could not hold back the flood gates any longer, I told Tim to get me out of there and I got to the truck and just succumbed to hysterics. I was hyperventalating and felt like I was going to vomit. I wanted to run in there so bad and grab her and just go as far as I could.

After I got calmed down, I just felt numb, I kept trying to go through this as logically as I could. I’m saving her life, I’m allowing her a chance without pain.

After a completely NON-productive day, I finally get the call that Tika made it through surgery okay and she was alert and responsive. Big sigh. I made plans to see her tomorrow, however, how am I going to react when I see her. I spend the night crying and searching for pics on the web of post amputation surgery. (Does this sound sick?)

I should mention that I have found the most awesome web community www.tripawds.com I spend the night reading everybody's story.

Finally, exhaustion kicks in, and I crash.

The night before

2008-12-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

We visited the surgeon today who met Tika and reviewed her X-rays. We found out the further nasty news that it appears she may have hip dysplasia. He isn’t concerned that it will affect her mobility, but we’ll need to start adding glucosamine and Omega-3 to her diet.

He walked us through the procedure and what to expect. Her leg will be removed at the hip joint so she doesn’t have to deal with the pain or potential difficulties of an amputated femur. We discussed her pain management during and after the surgery.

That night I was a complete basket case, I couldn’t stay still and kept pacing around the house. There must be some mistake. This can’t be happening. Why my Tika? I don’t want her to lose her leg!

Tim poured me a glass of wine and the girls did their best to entertain me. Tika won with the face below. What is THAT all about? And yes, we will on occasion put stupid articles of clothing on our animals.....shut up.

First diagnosis in

2008-12-01T10:09:00.000-08:00

We found this week that Chondrosarcoma was confirmed. We quickly made an appointment with VSEC in Overland Park. I was really bouncing off the walls because I had a business trip in Grand Rapids, MI and couldn’t be there for the initial meetings.

Tim was bouncing off the walls, because if it’s just chondrosarcoma the amputation will take care of all of the cancer and Tika will live a long life.

Later that week, Tim’s buoyant mood took a nosedive after talking to the oncologist. Evidently 50% of the time when Chondrosarcoma is present in the bone so is osteosarcoma. So, they will do an intensive biopsy when the leg comes off and find out then. The amputation is scheduled for Tuesday, December 9^th.

Thanksgiving Day

2008-11-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

Needless to say, it's been a bummer day. We continue to research our options, only for me to break down over and over again.

Tim is starting a list of questions. (Our vet must hate us at times). Although we don't have confirmation, we are preparing ourselves for having to amputate my baby's leg. Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

Tika on the other hand has decided to take matters into her own paws. She started her trick of chasing her tail and catching her back leg until she flipped herself over and landed on the bad leg.

"Oh baby, be careful."

She later proceeded in her favorite hobby of tormenting her sister.

She's happy, that's good, right?

The day the earth stood still

2008-11-26T05:37:00.000-08:00

After limping for a couple of weeks and not showing any improvement, we decided to take Tika into the vet to have her rear leg checked.

Thankfully, Tika is really good with the vet, she just loves the attention. She seemed confused on why I was going to the back with her (we also board the dogs at the vet). But seemed cool with it.

I got her to lay down and she dozed off waiting for the vet. After the usual, what do you feed her, what has she been doing, blah, blah, blah, he began examining her. When he got to the offensive leg, Tika shot up and took notice. Since she isn't a reactive dog, the vet said, we got something going on here.

He wants to keep her, we started talking about the possibility of an ACL tear. Since Tika is so strong, he wants to sedate her do some manipulation and take X-rays. They would keep her for the afternoon and then we'd touch base later with what he found out.

Ring. Ring. I start crying everytime I think of this phone call. I will never forget it. (Even though at the time it seems it was a blur)

The vet himself was on the phone, and it's funny because he probably has one of the kindest, smoothest voices I have ever heard. But this time, I could pick up on the tension. He dropped the bomb on me, the X-ray is showing an alarming loss of bone mass on my rear leg.

Me: "And that means?"

vet: "Either a rare bacterial infection of the joint.......or bone cancer."

Me: "WHAT?"

Vet: "Bone cancer, it's not something I would expect to see in a dog that's only 4 1/2 years old. I want to do a biopsy to figure it out."

Me: (feeling hyperventilation coming on and seeing spots) "Wh-wh-what i--i-if it is b-b-bone c-c-c-cancer?"

Vet: (sighing) " The most common treatment is to amputate the leg and then decide on whether radiation or chemotherapy is needed. Kim, the average life span of a bone cancer dog is 1 year after diagnosis."

I honestly don't remember much of the conversation after that. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. It had to be a mistake. SHE'S TOO YOUNG.

When I finally got my breath back it came out in a looooong wail. I just curled up on the floor sobbing hysterically. Caya came tearing into the room and just knowing like those damn shepherd know, laid down by me and let me cry into her soft fur, while she just gave me kisses.

I don't remember how long I laid there with Caya, but it dawned on me that the vet actually said, he HAD done the biopsy, and Tika WAS ready to go home. So I got myself together to go pick her up.

Oh, god, I have to tell Tim.

While driving--yeah, smart move--it's always good to be on the cell phone delivering bad news and driving at the same time, this just shows you what a basket case I was. I gave Tim the news. Although Mr Stoic handled it a lot better than I did, he was reeling. Then he went into his 5,000 questions mode. I lost it on him: I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW!

I picked up Tika, the vet staff was in tears, so the thin string I was holding onto snapped again.

My baby came limping out all groggy, like, this trip wasn't fun at all mommy, I wanna go home.

The Thanksgiving holiday is coming up so it could be almost a week before we hear about the biopsy results. You can send your sympanthies to my husband now.

That night was not a good night in our household. Caya just laid there watching back and forth to Tika, me and dad. Tika was resting on the bed of comforters I made for her. Tim is sitting with his laptop in his lap combing the internet for everything he can find on osteosarcoma and other bone cancers. I think he stayed up and read the entire internet on the subject that night.

Me---well, the emotional train hit me hard and I crashed. Didn't get a good night's sleep a'tall.

(20/20 note: If I had it all to do over again, I WOULDN'T have done the biopsy, I would have the Xrays sent to an surgeon or oncologist.)

Secondary problems with EPI

2008-04-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

Caya was starting to act a little funky and losing a bit of luster in her fur and not eating, so I took her to the vet.

I read that EPI dogs can have vitamin deficiencies, particulary cobalamin (B12).

Well, sure enough, Caya has that deficiency.

So what now? Well, after a long argument with the vet, I convinced them to let me do the shots at home.

It's a simple subcutaneous shot of cobalamin in a series for a month. We might have to do a maintenance shot monthly.

I was very annoyed with our vet, I had given my cat SubQ fluids for almost two years for her renal failure, I understand what to do.

This was a cake walk, that little needle into Caya's ruff, nothing like a big IV needle into my little jellicle cat.

So we are working on that now, last night Tika came to fuss with Caya just as I was giving her the shot and Caya jerked. The cobalamin itself is a pinkish red, so when hubby saw the fluid run all over my hand, he about passed out. It's not blood!

Caya just slightly twitches when I jab her, like, ew a bug bit me.

Living with the hellhounds

2006-03-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

Caya has adapted to her life with EPI. We found a provider that will sell us her enzymes for about $200 every six months. A lot better than $200/month.

So here's what I get to deal with. Mind you these pics are over the last several months, cause....well, I'm LAZY.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm not a chew toy.

She's right behind me, isn't she? It's gonna hurt, isn't it.....?

DNA dog and don't mess with us!

2005-12-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

So, we inform our vet of what the breeder said. She's pissed also. We can form a club, let's make T-Shirts!

So, we find out that Texas A & M is doing a genetic marker test and gathering DNA to try to isolate the gene that causes EPI.

Oh, yeah, totally gather all of Caya's biographical/breeding history up and make a nice little packet for them. Hah. Try to get out of that Evildoer.

Also, I got a copy of all of Caya's lab results, etc and scanned them and emailed to Miss Bitch and her retarded vet.

Oh, Caya, DOING GREAT. Go, go speed racer!

Caya's evil breeder

2005-12-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

OOOOOOO.

I'm pissed. Very pissed. Hubby is ballistic.

He called Caya's breeder, because we were told that we need to inform her of Caya's condition, that it's hereditary and she should not breed Caya's parents or siblings.

So, conversation ensues.

Mild mannered husband's voice gradually gets louder and louder and more irritated.

Then I hear, "EXCUSE ME, but Caya does NOT look like a thoroughbred, she looks more like a concentration camp victim."

WTH?

So he hangs up on her, and starts fuming. Evidently, the breeder is totally in denial that Caya could have EPI, that all of her dogs have that sleek, 'throroughbred' look and that our vet was too quick to diagnose EPI.

Now I am pissed. I have spent the last 3-4 weeks up with Caya during the night comforting her, asking her to hang in there, telling her to be strong.

We make a note to call the vet in the morning and crack open a wine and play with our babies.

EPI dog

2005-12-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

One week into treatment/maintenance for EPI. Within 3 days she had her first regular bowel movement in about 3 months. Happy dance.

She's starting to be able to sleep and the horrible gurgling has stopped in her belly.

She celebrated with a long overdue mauling of her sister Tika. Tika is so nice, she takes it graciously.

An answer for Caya has been found

2005-12-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

Caya is now down to around 43 pounds. You can see every bone in her face. She looks horrible, her fur is starchy and lank.

Texas A & M had the vet do a TLI test. (don't even get me started on what all it is, click the link here)

She has Exocrenic Pancreatic Insufficiency (EPI). The pancreas has two functions for both dogs and humans, one is the exocrenic which is when the pancreas provides an enzyme to the small intestine to aid in the digestion and absorption of nutrients. The other is the more commonly known endocrinic that provides insulin and blood sugar regularity.

The good news: We need to start providing her with the enzyme her poor little body can't make. She is not diabetic.

The bad news: It's a lifelong condition and the vet says that the Viokase to treat the EPI is $200/month. Yikes.

Because of the EPI, Caya has small intestine bacterial overload (SIBO), because when the body can't produce the digestive enzymes, the beneficial bacteria in the small intestine gets out of control. So we have to get that under control.

She also has some nutrient difficiencies that food and medication with regulate.

So what do we do know? We feed little girl as much as she wants.

Caya, is she going to die?

2005-11-29T14:38:00.000-08:00

A few weeks have past. I'm in tears. Caya is slowing starving to death. She should be around 60-65 pounds, she's down to 50.

She eats and drinks all the time, she still tries to play, but you can tell it's wearing her out.

She's become the Big 12 doggie. KSU/MU/Texas A & M are all investigating her symptoms.

I'm scared.

Caya is very sick

2005-11-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

We haven't been successful in finding out what's wrong. She's starting to really lose weight.

We've ruled out food allergies, infections, parasites.

At this point she's awake all night (so is mama) and her tummy makes these horrible sounds.

(the medical term is turgidity)

Everything is going right through her. She's not her beefy little self anymore. I can feel her rib bones. I am out of my mind with worry.

Something is wrong with little dog

2005-10-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

She is starting to lose weight, have constant diarrhea and be constantly hungry.

We honestly didn't know how bad it started getting until now.

We have an appointment with the doc. She's suspecting food allergies.

Poor baby girl Caya, she's looking a bit rough

Help, I no longer control my house

2004-12-01T14:26:00.000-08:00

The demon twins are on a full blow effort to destroy the house and my sanity. They are succeeding....and I've loving every minute of it.

1. Crate training: Essential and I shall never have another dog that is NOT crate trained.

2. Respect of the food bowl: I am actually succeeding in this endeavor. They are learning to eat from their own bowls. We've only had two knock-down drag out fights with minimal blood so far.

Dominant doggie: Up for grabs, right now. What Caya lacks in size, she makes up for in tenacity.

I'm a gonna rip your face off grrrrr.

And I squishes her!

Welcome to the Pack!

2004-11-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

Almost 7 weeks after Caya came home, I was sitting like usual eating my breakfast and keeping an eye on the pups as they ate. I had to leave soon for a week long trip and I was so worried about Caya. (Tika was so low maintenance besides the normal puppy things it was almost a relief). Earlier in the week I had a less than satisfying exchange of emails with Caya’s breeder because of the dissociativeness and also the fact that she was SO tiny. The vet was convinced she was probably a few weeks younger than we were told. I was less than pleased and pretty much decided that despite all the accolades, the breeder was essentially running a puppy mill.

So, right before I was to leave for the airport, I went to say good bye to my girls. Tika, as usual, was her sloppy, happy self. But, then out of nowhere came the little furball and she plopped on my lap and flipped over and held my hand with her little front paws. “What’s this, little one? Huh?” I started rubbing her belly and scratching her ears and she gave me puppy kisses and love bites. I held her up close under my chin and just hugged her little body. No screams just love, love, love. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” I just cried for relief, while the two pups licked my face and looked at me like I was crazy. Welcome to the family little Cayudle Weasel, welcome to the family.

What's up with Caya?

2004-11-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Something is wrong. Caya is not behaving like a normal puppy a'tall.

Puppies, so I thought, want to be around you, want to play, want to bond.

Not this one. We have confirmed colitis and giardia which we are treating her for.

(Note: Since I am posting these after the fact, Caya has become the best damn pill taker I have EVER had, we just recently got hooked on the TV series House with Hugh Laurie, I think Caya is House)

However, for the next month, I started getting more and more worried. Caya seemed to not have a very good temperament. She was almost vicious with Tika and would scream if I tried to hold her. Not a “I wanna play, lemme go” whimper, but a scream that chilled me. She seemed very dissociative with us. I started talking to canine behavior specialists, our vet, people on the internet. The answer was from one extreme to another: Be patient to she might have to be put down!

I kept with the normal schedule, I would sit there while they ate because I wanted the dogs to be trained in respecting the territory of the food bowls. We played, we had crate time, all normal. Caya had developed a new annoying habit, it was called ‘flip the water bowl’ she’d place her little paw on her bowl, launch it and flood the kitchen or bedroom or crate. She would also find places to hide outside so that we couldn’t get to her. Caya the weasel was rapidly becoming Caya, you little shit. Still no indication of affection for her new pack.

Baby, what is going on with you?

Puppy #2 arrives

2004-10-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a hell of a day. We show up at airport to find no dog. After several calls to the breeder, the airlines, etc. We find out that she has been misplaced in Salt Lake City, however, she has been found again and some kind soul gave her water.

We drove the 1 hour home to wait for the next flight to arrive. Finally, it does. Puppy is here! Or was it? Out of a crate filled with ‘hamster’ shavings, tumbles this tiny black furball. My husband said, “Oh, my god, it’s a weasel.” To this day, Caya’s nickname is “Weasel”. We give her a chance to drink and stretch and we begin the hour drive home. She had a rough day, so she promptly fell asleep in my lap as I continued to pick cedar shavings out of her fur.

Who the hell ships a puppy in HAMSTER SHAVINGS?

We got home and introduced the girls to each other, Tika was utterly fascinated with this little mongrel. Caya…not so much. We got them settled down and gave them a chance to sleep. We planned on crate training them, a decision that I highly recommend to everybody. Getting your dog comfortable with their own special space is very valuable to have, especially when you have two large dogs.

Later, I took Caya out and noticed that she must have been eating the shavings in the crate, for she didn’t not have a healthy looking stool. (Note: Be prepared, you might find out more about doggie doodoo, than you planned for) The vet’s appointment was in the morning, so I took a sample and hunkered down for the night.

Party Animal

2004-09-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Pool party.

Tika isn't digging the pool at all, even sitting on momma's lap. But all these people to fawn over her, oh, yeah, that's TOTALLY cool.

Tika Arrives in Kansas

2004-09-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Tika arrived in a sunny September day on a flight from Canada. After waiting for her to clear, we got to pick her up.

Oh, what a face. She just looked at us like. Hi Peoples!

We quickly got her out her crate to stretch her legs and go potty, I am totally in love.

On our way home, she started squirming in my lap, we pull over to let her go potty again and she flips over on her back and promptly pees all over herself. All the time having the biggest goofiest puppy grin on her face.

Tim looks at me: "Total rocket scientist this one...."

Pup #1 Incoming....

2004-07-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

We got the news that I had been approved to receive a puppy from our breeder in Canada, I was so excited. She came from a litter of nine, I was like an expectant mother. Oh please, please, please.

We could expect her around September. I chose the name Tikaani Spirit, partly to honor her mother (Kindred Spirit) and because Tikaani is a Athebascan word for 'wolf'. She would be called Tika for short.

On the German Shepherd front, however, things are not going so smoothly. In essentially what I am calling the 'bait and switch', we are told that the pup we were going to get is showing herself to be too domineering (as in schutzhund material, as in breeder can now get more money for her) and she won't let us have her. We are now going to be getting one from the next litter. She has a long haired (no undercoat) black and red. We can get her by October.

Tim was a little disappointed and irritated. But we went with it, no matter what pup we get, it will be our baby. We did originally want the long haired trait anyway.

This will be the first of many irritations with the GSD breeder. (I'm not going to name names here)

The beginning of the madness

2004-06-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

The date of this post is significant. This was the day we lost our German Shepherd, Justice, to what we found out was cancer. She showed now outward signs of problems until she fainted one day due to lack of oxygen. She had lung mets, and 2 weeks after we found out, she passed away in her sleep. She was 11 years old and Tim's best pal.

Tim missed Justice terribly and it didn't take long for him to decide that he couldn't live in such a quiet house. We started making plans to get another dog. He wanted to get another German Shepherd, I said fine.

Then, it a moment of insanity: "Why don't we get two?"

Tim: "You sure?"

Kim: "Yes, same age, they can grow up together"

And so it began, I had been doing research of breeds and I just kept coming back to the Alaskan Malamute, such beauty, such intelligence....and as I was about to find out, a whole lotta independence!

As we excitedly shared our plans with people, everybody just looked at us as we were nuts. Our vets and other animal handlers were saying, don't get two female dogs the same age, they'll kill each other. You will have to take a lot of work with them.

I started getting a foreboding feeling that we just screwed up big time.

As it turns out, it wasn't always easy, it wasn't always fun, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So here the adventure begins.......